Oh sweet, lazy, bittersweet summer...
You were my favorite.
There were amazing adventures with friends and to parks, pools, and beaches...and a heavenly reminder of how precious those times are with one another...(We will always love you, Boompa! We will see you again soon...7-4-2012)
Sometimes it takes the difficult to make us dig our heels and hearts in to love deeper, hope stronger, and push harder for the things that are so valuable and yet so fleeting.
And here we are, the last day of that free-wheeling, wear-your-bathing-suit-all-day, eat-ice-cream-for-dinner, catch-lightning-bugs kind of season...and I'm gearing up for routine again!
Back packs are ready, hanging on hooks in the foyer...lunch items are picked and ready to be stashed for the first lunch of my 3rd grader and my [gulp...deep breath...] Kindergartener.
Isaac is a Kindergartener. My Isaac.
The baby who stopped talking at 20 months.
The baby who physically pushed me away.
The baby who didn't call me Mommy until he was 3.
The baby who didn't look anyone in the eye.
The baby who couldn't be around people or loud noises.
The baby who stole my heart and challenged every hope, belief, and dream I could imagine...
And he's going to school. And he's going to be amazing.
Bittersweet.
I'm truly grateful for the amazing place he gets to learn at. The teachers, the building, the way they teach a child HOW to learn, not just what to learn; how they treasure Isaac's differences without forcing him to conform or feel incapable...my stomach is in knots and butterflies all at the same time with excitement and with pain.
I'm reminded of the day I broke down in a Target parking lot when Isaac was just diagnosed with his autism over 3 years ago. I was feeling the heaviness, the burden, of trying to solve my son's "problem." And just like that, God spoke to my heart through a message on the radio I had stopped to listen to in tears. The story of Isaac and Abraham is one we learn in Sunday school...but it never meant much until the Holy Spirit made it relevant to my situation: I remember it as clear as a bell ringing.
Give Isaac to God.
What did that mean? In my hot angry tears, I shouted this question in my soul. I hadn't really allowed myself to submit to who could possibly love my son more than me? Who could possibly know him better than I? God does. And He is capable of making a way for Isaac to live, to thrive, and to reach his full potential. I laugh at this scenario now, because honestly, it was the changing point in my daily life with my son. And just like Abraham had to follow God's difficult instructions to submit to God's plan and not his own...I saw the power in that. I handed Isaac's present, his past, and his future up to a God who is the ultimate provider.
And boy, am I glad I did.
So, here we are...on the cusp of a new season of challenges and victories. And I'm ready.
I have a feeling, Isaac is pretty ready too.
Happy Kindergarten, everyone! (sniff, sniff...where's the Kleenex?)
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| my babies, big bro Ethan and little Isaac on his birthday |
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| Isaac and his Boompa, Father's Day 2011...we will miss him so |
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| My Booder 2008 |
