Growing Pains

Summer has been beautiful.  I've taken a break from the computer for a good part of the past 3 months, savoring time and making memories with Ethan and Isaac.  We've had pool days, water park fun with friends, an exciting and relaxing vacation to the beach, exploring cities and museums, bike riding, ice cream eating, and sometimes, just not doing a thing! It was a little slice of heaven.

Isaac "two toes" the Pirate on our pirate excursion at Beaufort, North Carolina

The summer was beautiful.  But, it was fast.  Lightning speed, fast!  I blinked, and part of it became a blur. I do remember feeling like my boys truly have grown (literally) and I was able to stand back and let them raid the refrigerator once or twice...and then grow some more.  The proof is in the shoe size:  Ethan is now a 6 and Isaac a 1.  They are now in 4th and 1st grades.  With all this growing comes a need for more teaching, more maturing.  (Yes, and the fart jokes are still a part of that...sigh).

I'm being honest.  It's been a rough start to the academic year.  With new teachers come new rules, boundaries, and expectations.  And I'm just talking about myself here.

We have faced some new challenges--and some old ones that faded away when routine was absent.
We have had to deal with fears and anxieties that have never been an issue before.
We have had to spend more money on uniforms because SOME BOYS didn't listen to mom when she told them to "stop growing....right....NOW."

So when I was cleaning out Ethan's dresser, making a change in some sizes of course, I found a crumpled piece of paper that I had saved from back when I was a young girl that my parents had typed and framed for me.  I had forgotten I had kept it.  I must have stashed it away in Ethan's drawer for when he was older...and what an appropriate season of life to find it and be reminded.  Here is what it says:

It's Your Move, Christa

I GAVE YOU LIFE

but cannot live it for you

I CAN TEACH YOU THINGS

but I cannot make you learn

I CAN ALLOW YOU FREEDOM

but cannot account for it

I CAN GIVE YOU DIRECTIONS

but I cannot always be there to lead you

I CAN TAKE YOU TO CHURCH

but I cannot make you believe

I CAN TEACH YOU RIGHT FROM WRONG

but I can't always decide for you

I CAN BUY YOU BEAUTIFUL CLOTHES

but I can't make you lovely on the inside

I CAN OFFER YOU ADVICE

but I cannot accept it for you

I CAN GIVE YOU LOVE

but I cannot force it upon you

I CAN TEACH YOU TO BE A FRIEND

but I cannot make you one

I CAN TEACH YOU TO SHARE

but I cannot make you unselfish

I CAN TEACH YOU RESPECT

but I cannot force you to show honor

I CAN GRIEVE ABOUT YOUR REPORT CARD

but I cannot doubt your teachers

I CAN ADVISE YOU ABOUT FRIENDS

but I cannot choose them for you

I CAN TEACH YOU ABOUT SEX

but I cannot keep you pure

I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT THE FACTS OF LIFE

but I cannot build your reputation

I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT ABUSING ALCOHOL

but I can't say no for you

I CAN WARN YOU ABOUT DRUGS

but I cannot prevent you from using them

I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT LOFTY GOALS

but I cannot achieve them for you

I CAN TEACH YOU KINDNESS

but I cannot force you to be gracious

I CAN WARN YOU ABOUT SINS

but I cannot make your morals

I CAN LOVE YOU AS A DAUGHTER

but I cannot place you in God's family

I CAN PRAY FOR YOU

but I cannot make you walk with God

I CAN TEACH YOU ABOUT JESUS

but I can't have your relationship with him as your Savior

I CAN TEACH YOU TO OBEY

but I cannot make Jesus your Lord

I CAN TELL YOU HOW TO LIVE

but I cannot give you eternal life. 

Thanks for listening, Mom and Dad

After I found this letter, I just stood at Ethan's dresser for awhile, reading it over, remembering where it had hung on my bedroom wall.  Somehow, this makes parenting sound terrifying (yes, I'm talking to you, fellow control freaks) and beautiful simultaneously.  And it is.

That night, I was tucking my little men in with Dan and as he was chatting with Isaac in his room, I talked with Ethan about this school year ahead.  He shared some things on his heart, and I shared some on mine.  He curled up next to me and said, "Mom. Can you pray for me?" Of course I did.  And I plan to do more than just that.  This school year...

I plan to do what this letter says--what I can and NOT what I cannot.  I have limits.  I am an earthly parent with faults and breaks.  Just as my children are growing, I am also growing.  In wisdom, in grace, and in all the other necessary fruits of the Spirit that flourish when we love as Jesus loves.   I am going to be swift to pray, wise to act,

I think I'm going to update this "It's Your Move" letter for Ethan and Isaac...print it and frame it and hang it somewhere they will see it and be reminded.  Maybe, they will keep it and share it with their babies...

Sometimes growing means admitting you are where you are for a reason.  Then, and only then, can you see the lesson God has budding for you.  I am so thankful these boys have been placed in my garden to help nurture and teach and love.  Here's to the growing pains.

Our Family, Summer 2013

Size 1, Grade 1, Mr. Isaac Josef