Thursday, June 5, 2014

note to self

My empty mug of yogurt and berries sits in front of me on the computer desk instead of heading to the dishwasher.  My mug of coffee is probably sitting somewhere upstairs, getting cold because, frankly, today it's not attached to me at the hip.  Laundry baskets are calling my name in the basement.  I am still in my pajamas, and should really take a shower. It's safe to say I'm torn this morning...

From the living room, sounds of Nintendo DS playing and the occasional, "YES!" ricochet to my ears--Ethan is officially done with school until the fall.  We are all trying to soak that reality in today, especially because I still have until tomorrow for Isaac.  He is at JB having "Spy Day" with all of his fellow school mates.  (He made sure to pack his binoculars to see any other spy-like events that were thinking of sneaking past his all-too-aware spyishness.)  So, although I have one child, carefree on the couch, I still had to get up and carpool Isaac to school per the normal routine.  I'm just confused today.

Summer vacation is part mental for me.  I'm not sure if other moms, dads, or caretakers deal with this phenomenon.  I get so excited for the end of the school year because it means no packing lunches, no double checking homework folders (yes, I did it until the very end), no making sure one school uniform is on while the other completely different school uniform is packed and gym clothes are on--oh, and making sure there are underwear on under the uniform pants.  Most of my mornings felt like I was trying to rehearse Abbott and Costello's "Whose on first?" routine, unsuccessfully, with my children.  But I persevered.  I didn't give up because I expected my kids not to give up.  Finish strong!  Finish proud!  And then, after you crash through the finish line and pour Gatorade over your head all while taking deep breaths and collapsing to the ground...when it's time to get up again, you ask yourself, "Alright...what now?"

Don't misunderstand me.  I love the freedom of not having to go anywhere, not having to do anything.  But, then, the next minute...I hate it.  I need to DO something.  I feel in limbo with feeling needed or valued because I'm on top of my game and then all of a sudden the expectations are just thrown into park. Switching gears while going 50 miles an hour is not something I do well with...and I'm just being honest.
Somewhat how I feel today...

Here's a note to self:  downshift by remembering who you are and what you were created to be.  Just because the school year is done...(for 1/2 of my children)...does not mean you are needed any less.    It's just a need for relaxation, a need for playing until it's dark outside, a need for popsicles and sun tea.  It's a need for muddy feet and grassy knees, dripping ice cream cones, and yes, baths.  Every night.  You're still mom.  You're still the one teaching, molding, shaping your sons.  You just are mom in a bathing suit and cover up with sunglasses saying, "sure, we can have Menchie's for the 3rd night in a row."  It's a need for slowing down.

So, I'm downshifting.  Rolling the windows down, and getting a sunburn on that arm that is exposed under the sunroof...(true story)...

And remembering who I am and what I was created to be, not do.

Happy summer, friends.

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