Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Rambo, Snuggle, and baked beans

The last 48 hours seem a blur.  That's probably because, due to my lack of sleep and over-abundance of concern, I had to focus on just getting through.  This is my "Mommy mode" when my children get sick. 

Isaac managed to get himself a small sinus infection that brought along a viral friend.  Not fun.  103.4 fevers in the middle of the night and day, that nasty bug has been wreaking havoc on my little guy's belly and body as a whole. 

My control issues didn't start as a parent, they were there a long time prior.  I have worked very hard on defining myself based on who I am, and not what I can or cannot do.  But when my smiley, goofy little boy turns into a pale, pile of pain...control freak Christa jumps out of her skin and comes to life. 

Don't mess with my kids, fool. 

I arm myself with cleaning products while making sure Isaac is comfortable and drinking liquids...I fly here, I flit there, I throw a load of Isaac's bedsheets and clothes in with color-safe bleach on the hot water cycle (just to give me peace-of-mind that I'm the Rambo of germ killing).  I've got this. 

Until I sit by my son on the couch, flip his pillow to the "cold side," and look into his eyes.  They're red and fevered.  He begins to cry.  And so do I. 

After we cuddle for a minute, and I let my Rambo side slip away in place of my Snuggle bear softness, the empathy fills my heart.  Wow.  Being a mom requires so many emotions.  I've got this. 

Then, he says it.  With a small, wavering voice, he turns to me from watching a commercial on TV and says, "I want some Bush's baked beans."  Rambo...no....Snuggle?  Definitely not...

"You want some Bush's baked beans?" I repeat with a chuckle.  "I don't think that's good for your tummy right now, sweetheart." 

Fast forward 5 hours, and my once fevered boy is hopping around the kitchen, eating some dinner for the first time in 2 days, and asking me to exercise with him.  Oh, Isaac, you have no idea how much you've exercised my emotions in the past couple of days. 

You keep my heart fit.  We've got this. 

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